Cuddling

When we first wake up in the morning I call the kids by saying, "Jesus is calling."  And they drag their tired selves to the living room where we read "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  Then I put on some soft music and everyone finds a place to be by themselves for about 15 minutes--reading the Bible and prayer.  The little kids who do not yet read have a prayer book with pictures to help them focus for a few minutes.  But, we don't have enough prayer books to go around.so I usually give Saraa a crucifix or an icon to hold.

This morning it was chilly so she wrapped herself in a blanket and tucked her cross in with her and said, "Mom, I'm going to cuddle Jesus."

I have a feeling Jesus liked that.

Like A Child

I was holding Saraa this morning during worship.  It was during a time of singing extemporaneously.

Me: Saraa, sing, "I love you, Jesus!"

Saraa: [singing with her arms raised] I love you, Jesus!!!!

Me: Saraa, sing "You are worthy!"

Saraa: [singing] I am worthy!!!!

And I couldn't help laughing out loud.  I delight in this child.

I have a feeling that the Father delights in us the same way and because we are in Him, He sees us.....

WORTHY.

Shadow Feet

Two mornings in a row I've awakened singing this song.  I don't even remember the last time I heard it, so I don't know why it would be in my head, my spirit, and on my lips.  One of those times I think the Holy Spirit is singing through me.


"He," the Spirit in you, "maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God," and God searches your heart not to know what your conscious prayers are, but to find out what is the prayer of the Holy Spirit.  The Spirit of God needs the nature of the believer as a shrine in which to offer his intercession.  --Oswald Chambers in My Utmost For His Highest, November 8

All I Need Is You

I lay down for my afternoon nap pondering all things baby and parenting.  Maybe it was because I had just heard the Duggar's big announcement today that they are expecting their 20th baby.  Maybe it was just the fact that I was curled around my own new little baby under my fluffy down blanket and feeling grateful.  Who knows?  But, as I dozed, as I do every afternoon religiously, I had a revelation about God--or rather about my relationship with Him.  It's a little complicated, so take a little journey with me.

I don't own a lot of baby gear.  No bouncy seats, jumpers, swings, walkers, baby gyms, or other baby apparatus.  I did in the early days with our first few kids.  But, over the years, rather than accumulating more baby stuff, we have less.  At the moment we don't even have a crib in our house.  So much of that stuff that I thought I needed so badly at the beginning of my mothering journey, I soon found to be more burden then blessing.  It cluttered up the house, gave me one more thing to keep clean and, quite frankly, is not very attractive.  Not that I'm huge on having a perfectly decorated house, it's just that I don't like things made of plastic.

But, what's worse is that I've found that each of those pieces of equipment was invented to replace me. 

No really, it's true.

In some measure--small or great--each is merely a replacement parenting device.

River, just five weeks old, doesn't cry for a swing.  He wants to be rocked in my arms because it reminds him of how he was rocked in my belly for nine months.

River doesn't need a bouncy seat that vibrates.  What he wants is to feel my heartbeat and to hear my gentle humming.

River doesn't wake up from his nap thinking, "You know, I could go for some geometric shapes or some trademarked Disney characters swinging above my head."  What he wants to see is my face, smiling at him, interacting with him and responding to his own attempts at communication.

As a parent it's far too easy to become reliant on that stuff and to offer it instead of my arms, my heartbeat, my voice, my face.

My baby wants me.  Not the stuff.  But, if I offer the counterfeit often enough, he could get used to it.  Over time he may even prefer the plastic to flesh-and-blood.  He might pick the artificial over the authentic.

Tragic.

His childhood is far too short to allow his affections to be shared with something that cannot give affection back.

While I pondered all these things and was about to climb on my moral high horse--during my nap time, mind you, I felt the Lord say, "Isn't that just like you?"  (God doesn't fight fair, does He?)

There are a thousand things that fill my life that were invented (or at the very least permitted) to replace communing with God.

In truth, I don't really want or need the television, movies, radio, social networking, worrying over things I cannot change, trying to please people who don't really matter, fussing over what others might think about me, having petty disagreements with people over non-issues, religiosity.  But, because I've spent so much time going to these things when I'm desiring communion, I've forgotten that they were merely a substitute for something greater and deeper and infinitely more meaningful.

How many things in my life are replacement God devices?

I shudder to think.

What I really need is God's arms, God's heartbeat, God's voice, God's face.

I've learned a lot about parenting from my children.  A lot of what not-to-do.  I've also seen God's will for me, played out in a thousand sessions of nursing my baby to sleep and listening to him breathe.

God.

El-Shaddai.  Literally, "The Many Breasted One".

He wants to nurse me to sleep and watch me rest, listening to me breathe. But, I'll have to give up the plastic for His Flesh and Blood.  I need to choose the Authentic instead of the Artificial.

Bedikat Chametz with a side of Grace, please.

Last year's Passover table

Been busy all week preparing for Passover.  All chametz has to be removed from the house.  Chametz is anything with leaven in it.  This means moving the furniture to sweep out any hidden crumbs.  Vacuuming under the couch cushions.  Wiping down everything in the pantry.  Washing all the bedding--including sheets, blankets, and pillows.  You get the idea.

For seven days no leaven shall be found in your houses....

Exodus 12:19

I've been working, working, working.  I've been trying, trying, trying.

I mean, you wouldn't know by looking at me, but I can be quite the perfectionist.  I just set up the living room with three long tables--because friends are joining us and everyone has to have their own chair--no benches, which is what we usually use.  I prepped some stuff for dinner tomorrow.  And I sat down to sew new napkins.  (Non-essential, of course, but I wanted them done nonetheless.)

I swept tonight after dinner and despite having gone through the house multiple times with the broom and the vacuum, there was still all sorts of crumbs and bits of food and are those noodles?  Seriously?!  I just cannot get all the chametz out of this house, despite every effort.  No matter how careful I am, little children insist on creating crumbs--that slide down their chins, to their shirts and pants and eventually the floor.  I've been tempted to make them eat their meals outside or in the bathtub until Passover is over.

I love observing Passover.  It's such a celebration of freedom!  It makes me want to dance and sing to think about it!  And yet, in preparation for a celebration of FREEDOM, I put myself in such bondage to perfectionism.

Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?  Therefore purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us.  I Corinthians 5:5-6

The whole act of trying to removing the chametz and failing miserably has been....wonderful.  You know what?  I cannot remove all the leaven (a.k.a. sin) from my life.  Even if I work my fingers to the bones and become Mrs. Super Christian, there will still be that pesky leaven hiding.  "Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?"  Romans 7:24 

But, Christ--my Passover--has completed the work.

"I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain."  Galatians 2:21

Tomorrow before sunset we will remove all the leaven from the pantry and refrigerator, box it up and take it to the garage.  And I will explain to the children that we have to remove all sin from our lives--even the little stuff, but that we cannot do it by ourselves.  We have to have The Passover Lamb--all of our own efforts will always fall short.  Then we will have some friends in for the Seder.  There will be lots of laughter, lots of wine, lots of prayer, and even some dancing.

We will offer the Lord, not our perfection, but our gratefulness for the freedom we have in Him!

Be careful not to worship perfection.  

Strive for excellence as a means of worship.

~Tsh Oxenreider

A place set for Elijah

Healer

My sister-in-love, Serena, sent me a message this morning saying this song was ministering to her.  So, I've been listening to it all morning.  May it minister to you, too!