The Gift Of An Experience

I am really blessed.  And I know it.  My husband and I, as much as we irritate one another, really do "get" one another.  As much as we joke with each other about being incompatible, in so many ways we blissfully match.

For example, his love language is the giving of gifts.  And he's pretty good at it.  But, mine isn't.  Gifts that I appreciate most are not actually tangible things, but experiences.  I love surprises.  And I love experiences that are lovely and enriching and that I can think about for years to come.  A great memory is like an eternal gift to me.  I love gifts that I don't so much hold in my hands, but rather hold in my heart.

This past week my husband gave me the gift of a little adventure--an experience.  A childhood dream come true.  I think my soul will be relishing it for a long time.

A while back I happened to mention in passing that as a child I'd always wanted to walk across the Golden Gate bridge.  Somehow, even though I'd driven across it many times, I'd never walked across it.  As a child it just seemed so cool.  It's a silly childhood fantasy.

I never gave it another thought after that conversation.  I thought, "Oh well.  Someday." And then promptly put it out of my mind.  Fast forward to this past week.

I was up on the Central Coast with my kids who were taking the standardized state tests with our private school.  We stayed with Papa and Nana; Gana stayed home to work.  I was due to drive home on Friday morning.  On Thursday night, quite late, Gana inexplicably showed up at my parents' house!  I just sort of stared at him, in disbelief.  I think I said something beautiful like, "Why are you here????"

He said he was there to fulfill a dream for me.  We were headed to San Francisco!  What?!

I then continued to say lovely things like, "But, I didn't pack for San Francisco!"  No worries.  He had brought a couple of my cutest maternity dresses, my walking shoes, my heavy coat and even remembered some scarves to cover my hair in the wind!  He had made arrangements for my parents to watch the children, so we could have a romantic getaway before the baby arrives this summer!!  Everyone seemed to be in on the scheme, except me!  No one had let me in on the secret at all!

It gets better.

He rented a car--a red convertible!!!!  He planned for us to drive up Highway 1 with the top down!  He booked an incredible bed-and-breakfast at a historic site on the Sausalito side of the Golden Gate.  And we were going to walk across the Golden Gate!

So we left early on Friday morning.  Set off up the coast, taking in the ocean breezes.  We stopped for breakfast in Cayucos and then at one of favorite places--the New Camaldoli Hermitage in Big Sur. We listened to the monks chant and arrived at just the right time for part of Mass.  Mostly we took in the views and breathed it all in. (One day--when I don't have a nursing baby--I will go there on a silent retreat.)

Big window on the balcony of the chapel, overlooking the Pacific

Then we stopped in Monterey--where we had spent part of our honeymoon.  We walked on Fisherman's Warf and ate some fish-n-chips.

We got to the Golden Gate in the evening.  We checked into our room--which was just the most lovely place you can imagine.  And I laced up my walking shoes.  Dream come true in just moments!

Ta-da!!!  I'm here!!!

In the background you can see the historic Coast Guard site where we stayed.

Saw all these people running on the bridge and didn't want to stand out or anything.

Mr. Sandman....bringing me good dreams come true since 1999.

BUMP AHEAD!

Supposedly, according to some over-achieving website, the walk is supposed to take 30 minutes round trip. Well, it took this pregnant lady and her photo-happy escort about 1.5 hours.  So, by the time we were done I was HUNGRY!  So, we ordered food to our room from the lodge's restaurant.  This is the perfect way to end a perfect day:

Eating on the king sized bed in front of the fire.

Roasted Bone Marrow.  I would eat it every day if I could.

The fire, the wine and the marrow!

The next day we played tourist.  We drove down Lombard Street.  In our red Mustang convertible and looking very Californian, we are now in more than one Japanese tourist's scrapbook.  Felt like we were a little bit celebrity.

Then we walked and played on Fisherman's Warf and ended our day with an awesome (although very chilly) cruise and tour of Alcatraz.

Antique arcade games are fantastic.

Test your strength!  Gana rang the bell!

WWII Submarine

Daja the Riveter

Solitary Confinement.  Eek.

At the end of the tour there is an art exhibit about restorative justice, featuring the stories of six murderers who have been rehabilitated and paroled.  Then people respond to the exhibit on post-it notes.

It was a truly amazing two days.  Really a dream come true.  What blessed me more than anything was knowing that Gana had listened to the little girl inside the woman who still wanted to have this experience.  He not only heard it, he crafted the perfect experience.  He demonstrated his love so creatively, so uniquely and so perfectly for me that occasionally, still, I'll burst out laughing, unable to believe it.

On the way home I plugged in the ipod and played Donna Fargo's The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A. 

(Thank you to my parents, too, who watch the kids and helped arrange a great surprise!)

Words (not) To Live By

Maybe this is a little rant.  Maybe it's a commentary on how ridiculous and unthinking we have become as a people.  At any rate, here's the thing, everyday when I get on Facebook or Pinterest people have "clever" little signs posted.  You know, those inspirational words to live by.  They might look nice--have a cool font and/or graphic.  Perhaps it is the visual appeal that makes people think that the words are actually wise.  (Hmmmmm, that's something to think about.  How easily we are deceived into thinking someone is right or wise simply because they are articulate or interesting.)

So, let's get something straight: Popular is not synonymous with wise.  Interesting is not the same as smart.  Good feelings are no substitute for right living.

What bugs me the most is when Christian people--who seriously ought to know better--post these things.  Where do we get our ideas?  From the Bible or from pop culture???  If we internalize any of these very flawed ideas, it is no wonder we reap a bunch of drama and turmoil!

Here in no particular order are ridiculous things friends have posted to Facebook or Pinterest:

Things don't just work sort of magically.  What in the world gave us this idea?  Everything that works--being it your job or your marriage or your relationship with your children is because there is a lot of blood, sweat and tears invested in it!  The philosophy above can really cause us to take no personal responsibility for the failures of our relationships.  What a passive and unhelpful way to live your life!  

Let me give it to you straight: Jesus has already come to earth and gone back to heaven.  Any expectation you have from another person for perfection is completely misplaced.  Whoever you marry, you marry a sinner.  And so do they.  

We live in a very odd point in history as far as relationships go.  In the past women were content to find a husband who would be faithful and provide an income.  Feelings of over-the-moon-love weren't necessarily even a requirement.  Sometimes love grew from the seeds of choice and faithfulness.  Men were content to find a wife who could tend a home well and would be his partner in having children.  "Chemistry" wasn't necessarily a requirement.  People often chose to love the one they married rather than the other way around. 

These days we expect to be with someone who is beautiful and "hot" to whom we are sexually attracted.  This person must be well-employed, but their job must not infringe on any of our plans.  They must not have any emotional baggage that might require us to be patient, forgiving and move any mountains.  They must be there when we need them and meet all our needs, without being too needy themselves.  We must have the same interests and hobbies and the same political views.  To boot, they must also agree theologically with us on every point.  This person will never make us cry, never cause us to swear and never doubt their love for us or ours for them.  In addition, there must be "timing" meaning that they must come into our lives in such a way that it is perfect for us to be together and neither of us will have to sacrifice anything that would cost us a moment of discomfort.  This person will be Christlike but not require that we become Christlike in return.

Can we get a little wake-up call?  This person does not exist.  Marriage is the union of two good forgivers who agree to do life together--even when it hurts and you second guess your choice.  Marriage is where you dig your heels in and make a daily choice to love--even when the other is being unlovable.  Marriage is when you admit you are unlovable at times, but the covenant of marriage allows for personal growth and healing along the way.

What makes me happy is to sit in my pajamas all day, eating chocolate gelatto and reading novels.  What makes me happy is not the best.  What is best is for me to daily lay down my life for my family.  And that will, in the end, make me happy.

Start with happiness and the world will be very unhappy indeed. Start with what is right and the world will become a much happier place.

"Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think...."  Seriously?  Too many people take the advice on this post-it note.  In fact, I think it's become some people's political platform.

Rather, how about we get the mind of Christ and use that mind to think God-thoughts!  Let this mind be in you that is also in Christ Jesus!  (Philippians 2:5) 

Again with the passivity!!!  As if we have no control whatsoever over what we think and feel.  But that's not what the Bible says!  2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."  You have a choice everyday, every minute of every day, what you allow to take up space in your thoughts and spirit.  Evict anything that doesn't obey Christ.

This one might take the cake!  How about respecting others enough to know that the world does not revolve around you and your feelings of happiness!  Respect yourself enough to do what is right--even when it hurts! Psalm 15, commit it to memory:

Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? The one whose walk is blameless, who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others; who despises a vile person but honors those who fear the Lord; who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind; who lends money to the poor without interest; who does not accept a bribe against the innocent. Whoever does these things will never be shaken.

Hebrews 12:4, "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood."  Keep fighting.

This says that my commitment is contingent on your behavior.  Might be fine for a business arrangement, but this concept has no place in a Christian marriage.  We have to do what is right, regardless of whether those around us choose to.

OK, my last piece of advice is this: please!  For the sake of rational thought, stop posting things that are.....so.....unlovely.  

"Whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things."  Philippians 4:8

Musings on Mother's Day

One thing I will never understand is leaving one's kids for some "Me Time" on Mother's Day.  You know, like going to the spa, salon, out to lunch with girlfriends, etc. without the kids.  Sort of like celebrating your wedding anniversary without your spouse.  Just sort of odd and oddly inappropriate.

I'm the kind of Mom who gives my kids cards on Mother's Day, just to say thanks for making me a mom and for making my job so fun.  I want to spend all day with them, laughing, playing, cuddling.

I just love being a mom.  Every night I still creep up to my kids' rooms to look in on them while they sleep.  They are so beautiful when they are sleeping.  I fix their blankets and plant a kiss on their cheeks.  And always I wonder when this will stop.  Will I be kissing stubble on my boys cheeks before I figure they don't need to be re-tucked in each night?  Maybe I'll stop when they start tucking me in.

I know I am blessed with my children.  I know, too, that I am blessed with my mother and grandmothers.

My mom, well, it's difficult to describe all she means to me.  We were talking the other day and neither of us can ever remember really fighting with one another.  Oh, sure I've gotten on her nerves and she on mine.  But, to fight with my mother?  I really cannot imagine it.

My mom breathes beauty into my life.  She has a way of adding touches here and there of loveliness wherever she goes.  A ribbon, a sprig of lavender, a flourish, a little heart next to her name on a card.  It's just her way.

She knows me.  She knows that I'm disorganized and flighty and passionate and opinionated.  And she loves and accepts me.

C.S. Lewis has been called "the most thoroughly converted man I ever met."  Well, my mom is the most thoroughly converted woman I've ever met.  She walks with Jesus.  And that's not a metaphor.  She really does walk with Him.  And she's had to walk some rough paths.  She has sown in tears so that I could reap in joy.

I mother my children out of the spring of motherly love she has given me.



My mother holding me at my dedication reception

 This season has been challenging for my mother and my grandmother.  My grandfather, who has lived in shades of gray for the past 50 years is now living completely in the dark.  He can scarcely see or hear.  To add insult to serious injury his mind is now virtually unreachable thanks to Parkinson's Disease.  For years my mother has longed for her father that is somewhere trapped inside.  She recently blogged how she wished she could "bring back my father’s mind and soul."  Now it looks like she won't be able to experience her father this side of heaven.  I know that silently breaks her heart.  Every mother is still a daughter.

My grandmother has modeled so much for me.  When my grandfather was diagnosed with his imbalance about 50 years ago, the hospital brought her divorce papers.  She never signed them.  "For better or for worse" was not just a nice sentiment.  She meant what she had said.  And she's lived it out.  Day-in and day-out.  If I could do anything I'd give her the last 50 years of her life back.  But, then again, the crown awaiting her in heaven and her eternal reward is so great that no one can take that from her.  Reality is that our time on earth is the shortest part of our lives.

If ever I start throwing myself a pity party I need only think of my grandmother and her love, patience, perseverance and basic Christ-likeness to throw out the kleenex and pull myself up by my bootstraps. 

In addition to loving her husband through daily servanthood, she loves her children and grandchildren so relentlessly.  She's that quiet presence always rooting for our success and cheering for every victory.  When we fail, she's disappointed, she prays, but she never gives up on us.



Grandpa and Grandma
Everyday Saints

 As I write this my grandfather is in the hospital.  A UTI has caused the dementia to radically increase overnight and my grandmother could no longer care for him at home, as she has for years.  The hospital is 2 hours from their home.  What are my mother and grandmother doing on Mother's Day?  They are visiting Grandpa.

It seems not enough to say "Happy Mother's Day" to my mother and grandmother.  In honor of Mother's Day, all I can say is "Thank you."

Louvre

I walked into the Louvre, looked up at the ceiling, and cried.

So much beauty in one place.  It overwhelmed me.

Love of beauty is Taste.

The creation of beauty is Art.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

 Venus de Milo

What's that big crowd doing there?

Just gazing at a mysterious woman.

People have been fascinated by her for years.  What is she thinking?  It is said that Napoleon was so captivated by her that he hung the painting in his bedroom in the Tuileries.  But, his wife became so jealous she made him remove it.  It was then under the bed until it was moved to the Louvre four years later.

I once heard a singles' pastor say to single men (and I wholeheartedly agree) that there is enough in one woman to captivate you for a lifetime and never arrive to full knowledge of her.  He likened it to how we will be someday when we are before the throne of God.  You know, of course, that we will say, "Holy, Holy, Holy" repeatedly--completely amazed.  This is because it will take God an eternity to reveal Himself to us.  New facets of God will just keep unfolding and we will never have time to recover from our wonderment before another one is revealed.  And so we just babble, "Holy, holy, holy, holy, holy....."

This is why marriage never has to get dull or boring.  If we keep gazing, we keep learning, we keep being surprised, and we are always left with a sense of wanting more.

That's the lesson from the Mona Lisa for all married people and those who plan to be someday.

"Holy, holy, holy, holy, holy, holy...."

That's us by the fountain in the courtyard of the Louvre.

In the middle of all that beauty, one's soul could just burst if once in a while you didn't let off a little silliness.

Help! He's fallen and he can't get up!

Tickle, tickle, tickle.

 Apparently they used to be holding up a giant basin.  Now it just looks like they are checking themselves out.

Throwing out the first pitch!

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!

The caption for these statues was probably, "Do I have to go get dressed Mom?!"

After the Louvre we went to the Orsay (which is home to the biggest collection of the Impressionists).  Again, I wept like a baby. 

Unfortunately, (or fortunately for those who must endure other people's vacation pictures) photos are not permitted in the Orsay.  So, here's a picture of me out front next to Van Gogh.