Fear and Shame and the political divide

This is a post of political observations that will deal in generalities. So, please, spare me the anecdotes of cases where it doesn't hold true. Not hard fast rules, only observations about trends.

Both sides of the political divide, liberals and conservatives, claim moral superiority. And they go about trying to make converts by claiming that their side, and their side alone, takes the moral high road. The tools in this endeavor are fear and shame.

Example #1: Immigration.

Conservatives employ fear in order to control perceptions. If we are afraid of foreigners, we will reject them and protect ourselves. We'll be safer if we are more fearful. Such as this, now famous meme:

(I like this line from the movie The Tale of Despereaux, "Oh, Despereaux, this world is full of wonderful things to be afraid of, if only you realize how scary they are.")

Liberals employ shame to make people "do the right thing." The talking points create straw man arguments to make people feel badly for being heartless savages.  Religious people are at the top of that list. If you were truly a decent person you'd be more open, you jerk.

Example #2: Abortion.

Liberals employ fear. If pro-life legislation is passed, if a pro-life person is elected, if a pro-life judge takes the bench women will be victimized, there will be back-alley abortions and bleeding in the streets. Women will lose their autonomy and we'll all be relegated to being barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen again. 

On the flip side, Conservatives employ shame. Emotionally and morally charged language. Instead of women being victims and disenfranchised and scared and vulnerable, they are "mothers of a dead baby" and murders.

And the labels the groups are given are often, at least partially, misnomers. Pro-choicers are not pro-all-choices. Just check to see which democrats voted to take away the freedom of parents to choose whether or not their children are vaccinated. There's a serious war brewing in California as parental rights and choices are taken away by big brother. You can choose to have an abortion, but if that child is born alive you don't have a choice whether or not she gets the highly controversial Gardasil vaccine.

Pro-lifers are often not pro-all life (There are exceptions, such as socially active Roman Catholics.). Just look up which Republicans still support the death penalty. (see the UCSSB's pro-life prayer) Or the NIMB attitude as it applies to taking in refugees. (NIMB = not in my backyard) Sometimes pro-lifers are pro-birth or pro-some-life. It's a painful truth that we need to 'fess up to.

And you can see examples of this everywhere if you just take a moment to look at your Facebook or Twitter feed. Just today I logged in to see several of my friends post the same FB post that stated if you didn't join the "Women's March" you probably have never been the victim of a sexual crime, are not an ethnic minority, an immigrant or lack health insurance. Because if you have experienced any of these things, you'd support the march. Well, guess what? I have been a victim of sexual crime, I am an ethnic minority, my husband is an immigrant and I have actually never had health insurance in my life. I did not support the March. But, that's what I mean about claiming moral superiority. It's a false narrative. All the decent people on one side of the line and all the degenerate on the other.

I have found this past year that everyone wants to think that they take the high road and are open to people that are different than they are. Everyone wants to think they are comfortable with diversity.  It's always the other side of the aisle that is full of intolerant bigots. Until they encounter someone truly different, someone who doesn't support their pet causes, who does not see things the same way at all. Then the struggle gets real. I am no exception.

I have seen so many people this year unfriend and block people on social media or lash out at their neighbors that it breaks my heart. The media, the culture, the 24 hour news cycle perpetuates this fear and shame so that we feel quite justified in saying, "I'm done with you" as we paint with broad brushes and repost unnuanced memes and opinions. We feel vindicated to make "power of the people" to mean power against certain people.

But, what if....

What if we stopped using fear and shame as our primary motivators and the cornerstones of our arguments? What if when we encountered someone who is truly different we didn't shut them out, but we extended our hand instead? What if we could say, "You know, I don't see things that way, but I respect that you do. Would you like to discuss this sometime?" Make cookies. It always helps the awkwardness. 

The truth is that if we try to banish fear and shame there will be a vacuum. We have to replace it with something. 

I would suggest love and humility.

It's not easy. For anyone. And it's certainly not easy for me. I claim no moral superiority in this. To look into someone's eyes who not only is different but may be, in fact, antagonistic towards you and your way of life or deeply held beliefs, and to say, "I see in you someone made in the image of God and I choose to treat you according to that truth." Pour tea.  It helps the humble pie to go down easier.

I am not suggesting that you necessarily change your beliefs. I can tell you for certainty that you will not take my Christian faith from me. I am not just a Christian in name. It's part of my very DNA, I assure you. I am head over heels in love with Jesus. I can't turn it off. I broke off the switch long ago. But, I will share a meal with you and listen to you, even if you are Buddhist, Muslim, Atheist, or just plain not sure. My faith tells me that you are made in God's image and likeness, whether or not you acknowledge Him.

Humility goes a long way. St. John Chrysostom said, "Humility is the root, mother, nurse foundation and bond of all virtue." The book of 1 Peter in the Bible commands us to love each other deeply. Because love covers a multitude of sins.

Does walking in love mean that we never stand up for controversial causes or speak tough things? Of course not. Love must be tough as well as tender. But true love should give us the courage to carefully negotiate and live in the tension of truth and love. It's messy. It's painful at times. It's tricky. It's also beautiful. Speak the truth...in love.

As people of good will, can we move the cultural conversation from Us vs. Them to We Are All In This Together? Can we love through the differences and listen and speak up and be brave and be vulnerable and be true?

Fear and shame are motivators, but make a terrible foundation. Love and humility are really the only way.

Anti-abortion Republican Propaganda

I saw this ad on Baby Center today.  I'm a cloth diapering fanatic so am not a fan of diaper commercials, ordinarily.  However, I still rather like this commercial.  The comments however, were astounding!  This ad has offended so many people.  People saying they will never buy Pampers again.  Check it out and see if it offends you the same way.



Here's one of the comments: "Is the little miracle the inevitable bowel movement the infant is going to have? Or is this a blatant anti-abortion republican propaganda commercial? A little dash of both, thanks Pampers for showing your position on unwanted children, it's usually wise for companies to show their political stances on Roe V. Wade for something that every human needs. I will no longer be buying your products. I have a Chimp I used to use Pampers for, but now that I know we are on opposing parties I will be switching to a competitor who does not state their opinion or supports the women's right to choose. I do know it is not YOUR PLACE!!!!!!!!!!"

To which someone replied:

"...seriously? What kinda diaper company wouldn't be pro-life?
How many Steak restaurants are vegan?"

Brilliant.

Yes, They Are All Mine.

What a day!  Art lessons in the morning, lunch and then it was out the door: library, Trader Joes, drop off something to a friend, CVS, Post Office, Target, Whole Foods and the Chinese Market.  Whew!  I hate errand day.  But, if at all possible I want to do all the errands on one day, so that the rest of the week I can stay home and get in my groove.

There are many things I don't like about errand day--the in-and-out of the car and carseats with the six children, it always taking longer than I hoped, having to take the kids to the potty in public restrooms (ever have to figure that one out with six kids?!  You can't exactly leave them in store alone, but the older ones are getting a bit big to be all crowding into the bathroom with me and the little ones and then repeating, "Don't touch anything" like it's a mantra.), and the comments.  If you have a large family you know the comments to which I'm referring.

Are they all yours?

You have your hands full.

Is it school vacation?

Are you done now or will you have more?

I can't stand it!  I have an arsenal of snarky comments and say with a smile.

You should see the ones I left at home!

No, I like to take all the neighborhood children with me to the grocery store.

No, I don't have my hands full.  I have my heart full!

I'm running a day-care for curly-haired Asian children.

Today I didn't have to give a single snarky remark.  Today was phenomenal.  I had to pinch myself.  Am I still in Southern California?  The land of 1.6 children per family driving a Prius?

At the library the librarian said, "We haven't seen your family in a while!  So nice to see you all again!!!!"

At Whole Foods a nicely dressed man, about in in 50's (if you're an HRC person let me say, he really reminded me of Pastor Karl!), was waiting at the meat counter for his order.  We pulled up with our cart and I noticed that he kept looking at us.  "Here we go!" I thought.  I made eye-contact.  He smiled and said, "I LOVE IT!  LOVE IT!  Keep up the good work!"  So, I replied, "Wow.  Thank you.  You just made my day.  I think I'll blog about it."  He said, "I LOVE seeing big families.  This is great!  You've made MY day!"  As we both waiting for our orders he complimented the family again. I said, "Well, we don't often get that reaction around here.  Thanks."  He said, "Oh, don't stop!  People need to see big families.  It's sooooo good!"

Later at the Chinese Market, the checker counted by children out loud, "One, two, three, four, five, six!  You have six kids!!!"  Yep.  "OK.  Just a minute." she said.  Off she went to another counter and came back with six packages of Ocean Creature crackers.  She handed them out one by one as she counted the children again.  Then with a huge smile she gave me a thumbs-up.  "Big family.  Very good."

When we got home and relayed all these interactions to Daddy, Meg said, "Maybe we should start running our errands on Wednesdays every week."

From: http://amazingsix.blogspot.com/

Notre Dame

On our last day in Paris (we left via overnight train for the Italian coast) we visited Notre Dame.  This was actually not on my must see list when we went to Paris, even though The Hunchback of Notre Dame was one of my favorite books in highschool.  I remember weeping for an hour after I finished it.  But, when we decided to take the night train out of Paris we ended up with an extra day to take in some extra sites.  Oh so glad it ended up this way.  Notre Dame was definitely a highlight of Paris for me.

The facade of Notre Dame is so interesting.  There are statues of the Kings and Apostles in so much detail.  One is rather odd.  A saint holding his own head in his hands.  The story goes that when Christianity was advancing across Europe the Bishop of Paris, St. Denis was beheaded.  He got up from the beheading, tucked his head under his arm and headed north.  He stopped at a fountain and rinsed it off.  Then continued on until he found just the right place to go to heaven.

Also, there are the Kings of Judah, which have their own interesting head story.  During the French Revolution (1789-1793) people mistook these Biblical kings for French Kings.  In a rage over oppression rebels stormed the church crying "Off with their heads!"  They lopped off the heads of all the Kings of Judah!  Thankfully, a school teacher lived nearby who had more sense than the masses at that point.  He picked up all the heads and buried them in his backyard.  They stayed there until 1977!  They were accidentally found!  Can you imagine?!  The church had since been repaired.  So, the heads now stand in the Cluny Museum a few blocks from Notre Dame.

In characteristic Rick Steve's humor he finds something hilarious in the most austere things.  From Rick Steves' Paris:  "The Central Portal.  It's the end of the world, and Christ sits on the throne of judgement (just under the arches, holding his hands up).  Below him, an angel and a demon weigh souls in the balance.  The good people stand to the left, looking up to heaven.  The naughty ones to the right are chained up and led off to....a six-hour tour of the Louvre on a hot day."

Patron Saint of the Orient

Joan of Arc

One thing that constantly amazed me about the Cathedrals were the details.  Every. Single. Little. Minute. Detail.  It's breathtaking!  And it was done for the glory of God!  It was not to impress men because so many things are not even visible by men.  Up on the ceiling, on top of the roof, under every beam there is a magnificent carving, etching, stained glass, or some other amazing thing people are still discovering.  Who would go through so much work and toil and money for stuff that most people will never see and certainly never appreciate?  Someone who was concerned, not with their own legacy, but with the glory of God!

Imagine this: They broke ground on Notre Dame in 1163.  Their great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren attended the dedication mass two centuries later!

I cannot even grasp the kind of faith, vision, and spirit it took to undertake such a thing that you had no hope of seeing the completion in your lifetime.  I like projects I can pick up and finish in one sitting. I don't even want to undertake something that will take me a week or month to finish.  That's why a full-sized quilt overwhelms me to make.  The Cathedrals?  Well, they are just in a league of their own!

The inscription says:

TO THE GLORY OF GOD
AND TO THE MEMORY OF
ONE MILLION DEAD
OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE
WHO FELL
IN THE GREAT WAR
1914 - 1918
AND OF WHOM THE
GREATEST PART REST
IN FRANCE

St. Thomas Aquinas
Here we stopped to pray for the unborn, recalling St. Thomas appearing to Dr. Adasevic.  If you have never read the doctor's conversion or his encounter with St. Thomas Aquinas, please go read it.  It is truly profound.

The altar piece

When we walked into Notre Dame Gana and I sensed the presence of God so strongly, we actually started to cry. Throughout our self-guided tour we kept feeling led to pray for the unborn and for an end to abortion.  When we signed the guestbook, we were still in that place of intercession.

One thing that really impressed us was that although a tourist hot-spot, it was still very much a holy place.  We came in at the end of morning mass.  As we walked the around the church we noticed enclosed glass rooms.  These are the confessionals, which we did not photograph--because they were all being used!  We saw people praying and weeping.  So beautiful that reconciliation is offered at all times even in the midst of the crowds.  There was always a safe place where sinners could meet grace.  I think our Protestant churches could learn a few things.

Next post:  The Bell Tower!  SANCTUARY!!!!!